撑不住...

我拥有一段快七年的远距离爱情。听起来很甜蜜但事实上感觉自己快撑不住了。不是因为不爱了，而是因为太爱他。因为过渡的爱，所以把自己逼得很紧，太依赖他，希望自己在他心目中永远是第一位。当他却不那么想，他在乎的只有他朋友们，女朋友可以放在一边。等了三天，真的绝望了可是心里面依然还藏着一点点的希望。心想，值得吗？他跟朋友玩得很愉快，去了哪里做了什么，我永远都是最后一个知道。我只能沉默，不看不听不问, 怕跟他吵起来，不舍得破坏他的心情。今年的新年我只能一个人过完它了。病了几天，没人关心没人安慰，原来 那种感觉真的很不好受。做了蛋糕想把这开心的事告诉他。可悲的是，我却没办法跟他分享我的喜怒哀乐。真的有一股冲动想喝醉酒让自己忘了不开心的事，醉了就不用想那么多顾虑那么多。到了店里站在哪里好久，最后还是没买怕把自己喝上瘾。我试着控制自己不要生气，但我还是控制不了。真的会走到结婚的那一天吗？很怀疑，开始害怕。他承诺过我会常常陪着我，可是他忘了。今晚还是泪水陪着我度过。什么时候才不用为这段感情流泪。。。

My Daddy Mummy...♥♥♥

爱了我六年的他...

他不富有，他不英俊，他从来没有买过名贵的东西给我。但，我相信他能把他无价的心送给我。这样的男人你可以不爱吗？我爱！爱到无法自拔！升至还想过要一辈子跟他在一起就算他没有钱给不了我名分！

但是，因为过渡的爱，因为太沉溺，所以给他造成了困扰！他说我小气，其实我是知道的。只是因为听他亲口说出来让我感到很难过！我曾经因为自己的小气想过跟他分手原因是怕他喘不过气！可是舍不得，所以曾经想改可是改不了！也因为自己的坏脾气，差一点伤害到他与他朋友的感情！但我知道这件事的时候，我很难过也很气自己！天哪！我差点变成了罪人！

昨天，我们约好要Skype。我们好久都没有Skype了。他问，‘要几点Skype?’ 他还开玩笑地说，‘我七点早上等你上网。’我告诉他我这里还是傍晚，你那么早等我作么？’ 最后，我们约了在下午Skype。他还说， ‘我等你哦...’ 。我好期待，很早就起床等他上网。其实心里面早就知道他一定会放飞机。我老早就跟他说他一定不会等我，他一定会跟朋友去喝茶。可是心里面还是抱着很大的期望，希望他真的会等我！从早上十点等到下午四点，他发信息来说他在跟朋友喝茶。上网后他说下午在家里睡觉！我的心好痛！痛到不得了！常常跟自己说希望越大失望就越大，可是我还是愿意等。这六年来，他很少哄我。他今天终于哄我了！不是得意而是开心，很快的我就不气了。

可怕的事发生了！我们竟然在Skype里面吵架！不知道为什么每次skype我们都很少话题只是看着对方。我问他为什么他的朋友很少找他出去玩？是不是因为不在乎他？他说因为我太小气，他们怕我生气。我又问，他们怎么知道我很小气？是不是你跟他们说我的坏话？他说你本来就是很小气。我说，那你朋友的女朋友不生气吗？他回答，她们没有你那么小气！

天哪！我的心又碎了一次。他说只是跟我开玩笑，可是我知道那不是玩笑是真心话。面对你我不能不小气不能不吃醋因为。。。

我也很恨自己为什么那么小气，如果我能控制那有多好。可是我知道我不能。为了他，我做了很痛的决定！只有这样我才不会生气不会吃醋不会给他造成麻烦。只有不看不听不问。。。

对他的朋友我感到很抱歉，也谢谢他骂醒了我。。。

Unbearable mistake...

I'm so depressed by your nonsense. I feel you are attacking my family. You are paid RM 800 for doing the work but not gossiping! Please behave! My parents are treating you good so please do not say something bad and false behind them. You can be sued for defamation! And I was told that you were doing nothing in the office except 'facebook-ing' and do some online purchasing. When you were told to do something that was important you get angry and refused to do and even if you do it, you'll do it with tremendous mistake! This is what a worker should do to their employer? This is so ridiculous! Do not ever think that you are 'golden princess' and keep on complaining! This is so-called LIFE and you are working with other. You 'work' are not worth for RM 800! We need an efficient worker but not 'tortoise' worker! Think twice before you say something! Make full use of your brain please! All the details of the contracts and documents are PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL! DO NOT DISCLOSE IT! You should know as you are an "experience" worker! They will not scold you if you are doing the right thing! 

Hot!Hot Hot!

Everything didnt go on smoothly today.Life is like ferris wheel,up and down,the best thing to describe my mood right now.I was so happy yesterday as it was a Christmas.But it didnt last longer.I was totally in a terrible mood today!!!Owh...!!!Feels like want to bite somebody to vent out my anger!O'Lord...Please help me!Please give me piece of mind!Please let me calm down!Please,please.please!

10-10-10 (Sun)

The best Sunday I ever had.Guess what?I went to church with Suk Qing.It's like live concert.We're so excited and hot.We sang the worship song with burning heart and I definitely enjoy the singing section to the fullest.There,I released my stress.I talked to the Jesus and I know He hears me.People there was so warm and friendly.They blessed those who needs blessing with sincere heart.We had our Holy Communion too.And I was so lucky today,I had the opportunity to appreciate the songs which sang by the singing leader(also a guitarist) who's going to leave to Kampar. He brought us to the highest.That was the most touched moment.Everyone was so reluctant to let him goes.Anyway,may God continues his blessing upon him and his family.
One more week is gone.My exam is fall on next Wednesday.I'm so scared.OMG...O'Lord,please strengthen me,give me courage and confidence.I trust in You.In Jesus name I pray,Amen.

Fear...

Mum called me just now.The feeling of fear comes into my mind.Why am I so afraid?Never have this super duper lousy feeling before.I fear my dad will scold me again.Seriously hates this kind of feeling.He is my dad.I shouldn't have this feeling.hmmm...I can't help myself for having this feeling(innocent look).I'm SO scared we talked for too long and keep answering my mum question with emm...emm...emm...dare not to talk too much.I felt relieved when my mum told me he slept ored!I was like fuh......
Actually I missed two calls from mum just now as I went to take bath.I saw my dad's number appeared on my phone.I was so happy and contains a bit of...nervous?So I called back.Guess I heard whose voice?It's my mum.A bit sad.I expected my dad to answer the phone.It's ok it's alright.I'm the one who used to cuddle with my dad,but now I feel awkward.Keep querying myself why???!